Ending the Pretending

Just a quick reminder. Kids see a lot more than we'd like to believe they do. This can be both good and bad depending on what their watching. Knowing that should make you want to ensure your example before your children is at it's best. But why pretend to be better than you are? Why pretend to have a great marriage? Why pretend to care about the things you're supposed to? Why pretend when you can actually do it.

Make the life changes to be better than you are now; to have a great marriage; to care about the most important things. Rather than pretending, do the work and live a better life.

Saying "No" is Yes, Yes, Yes!

Build character, don't buy stuff. If we want our children to mature into responsible adults, we need to stop buying them so much stuff. We've all heard it a million times, "When I was your age all I had to play with was _______ (dirt, air, broken stick, etc.)" I know as a kid my brother and I had WAY fewer toys and games and stuff than our kids do (and i think we do a pretty good job or saying "no"). One thing is there are so many choices out there and not only choices in types of games, but choices within the choices.

2 points: First, as a parent, don't feel you have to get them everything they want. For my wife and I, nearly every time we say to no to this or that, they forget it in less than a week. 90% of problems solved, get better at saying no. Now I won't go into all the behavior and conditioning mumbo-jumbo, but trust me saying no to your kids is FINE. In fact, it's healthier than saying yes.

Second point is: typically, children need less to be creative, not more. Perfect example is on our trips to Africa. Kids there take discarded plastic bags wrap them up in balls and bind them with string or cording. Or they take a small piece of broken pipe and use a bent piece of sugar cane to "guide it as they run along side. I call it run-n-roll. They also (and this was amazing) take small pieces of wire they find and make cars and trucks by bending the metal into the outline of a 3D vehicle - some complete with trunks, wheels and detailing. They connect their vehicles onto a straight wire back to their hands and "drive" them all around - extremely creative. The third photo down shows three such vehicles.

And you talk about a happy, smiling, proud bunch of kids. They smiled ear to ear when showing off their toys. The toys they had created from nothing. May God give us the wisdom and strength to say "no" to stuff.

[Incoming Message]

[Back-N-Time connection 49F27S-I93-2009]

Wow, it worked…Mom, Dad is that you? Where’s your gray hair? And what’s up with those lame clothes? Anyhow, I just spent my last $40 using a service called Back-N-Time to come back to 2009 and spend exactly 2 minutes with you. I’ll have to talk quick. I chose this time because I know this is the most influential years of my life and I thought I could change things.

Don’t worry I’m OK, I mean the future me is OK. But I think I could be better. See the economy never fully recovered and well, our Christian beliefs continued to erode as well and now I’m wishing I had paid more attention when I was younger. I wish I had more to build on and believe in. I wish you had taken more time to grow my faith and not just my body and my brain. Don’t get me wrong, I’m alive today because you taught me to work and think, but inside I feel empty.

I realize now there’s a BIG difference between knowing about God and actually knowing God. I’m glad you took me to church and Family Factory was awesome, but now, some 40 years later it seems we (and by we, I mean you) didn’t carry what we learned at church back home. We enjoyed the show but that was it. I really think I’d be in much better shape if you would have taken more time to help me understand and apply what we learned. It sounded so simple – pray and study your Bible.

What? Awww man you’ve got to be kiddin’ me … seems my time’s almost gone … know that I love you and I’m doing OK, but I’d trade every soccer practice and school project to have found God at age 8 instead of 48. Tell everyone I said “Hi” and I guess you’d like to know I married…

[to continue this connection please deposit another $40]

Cutting the Cord

I have a song titled, "Cut The Cord" - some say it's their favorite. It's a song that talks about the fact that we as parents can be WAY to protective when it comes to the safety of our children. OK, protection and safety = not bad; OVER-protection = is bad. My point is, if we don't allow our kids to understand the results of their negative actions, we are stunting their ability to grow and mature. What they will learn is mom and dad will take care of it and believe me that mindset can continue with them into and through out adulthood.

For those who have the Factory Hits vol. 2 CD, take some time and listen to the words (yes, I know they are fast). What you'll hear is your kid CAN NOT make it into Heaven by using your life or your faith, they MUST have their own. So hold your ground and let them fall a few times.

See, life’s not always sweet, it’s sour and it’s bitter
It’s more than a coloring book, and some glue and some glitter
I need some healthy fear consequences that are clear
I need some bumps and bruises, some blood, some sweat, some tears

(Excerpt from "Cut The Cord" © 2007 Ty Jones)

Include Them...

You may be like my wife and myself, we are get-the-job-done kind of people. Task-oriented, don't get in my way, don't slow me down, I have a list and I will complete it, kind of people. Well, this is not the way to raise well-rounded, healthy, independent, creative and critical thinking kids. In fact, it creates just the opposite - lazy, dependent and unappreciative kids (perhaps I can give more details more on this subject in a later post). But for now let's just say, it's a flaw we have and we know it.

As our church has just launched a "40 days of prayer" campaign, it would be much easier for us to set aside our prayer time and check that off our list. It would be easier not to include our kids, saying they're too young, too busy, too whatever - BUT WE'RE NOT!. We are making a conscious effort to include our kids in this act of worship and communication with God.

Yes it takes more time, but being a better parent usually does. So let me encourage you to help your kids find a time and a place to talk to God. For instance, I re-drafted the prayer direction our church sent out and made it more kid-friendly. I gave them a list of things to pray about and for. I spoke to them about the importance of spending time with God one-on-one. I helped them find a spot in their rooms. Please realize it will not always go as planned but helping them understand that God cares what they have to say and He has things to say to them is what's important.

For this first session, I asked them to honor God with 5 minutes of silence before they started their prayer time. Afterwords, I asked our youngest if he heard God speak to him during the silent time, to which he replied, "No." I then asked, "What did you hear?," to which he responded, "Air."

Well, it's a start.

Master, Mission & Mate

I was listening to a Christian talk radio program the other day and the guest was talking about the key roles a parent plays in their children's lives. He listed these three "M" words and though I can't recall exactly what he said about them, I liked the three words and will give you my take on them.

Master: Our kids need to know they have one. They were created by a Creator, lost to loser, then saved by a Savior. They exist because their Master gave them life and redeemed that life to spend all eternity with Him. They need to know they can not serve money, houses, careers, other people, etc.; they must serve the One who gave them life and who calls them home.

Mission: Our kids need to know they have a purpose and their purposes need to be His purposes and not their own. Anything else they pursue is just a waste of time. Once they understand they are His, they are able to go about His work. God is not here to bless THEIR plans; rather He wants to accomplish His plans THROUGH them. The younger they hear and understand this the wiser they will become. At some point people finally do "get it" and see that chasing their dreams has all been for nothing. It's then they wish they could go back and re-do their lives. May this NOT be the case for our children. Help them right now understand their life has real purpose.

Mate: How many of our parents prayed for our future mates? How many spoke with us about the characteristics and qualities we should look for in a friend and future mate? Not money or education, status or even physical attraction, but godliness and faithful obedience. We need to be very active in this process. I've seen way too many couple end up on the rocks because they were first attracted to each other for shallow, surface reasons. We need to make sure we are not setting our children up for future disaster by rewarding and modeling shallow relationships. One thing you can do is point out the positive qualities of your mate, things like prayer time, honesty, gentleness, self-sacrifice, integrity, compassion, etc.

IN SUMMARY: We need to make sure our children understand there is a Master and their lives should be joyfully devoted to His work and not they own selfish desires; and that their time on this earth, should they choose to get married, will be best spent with a mate who has a fearful devoted to the Lord Jesus Christ. So, take inventory in these three areas and see where you are lacking as a parent; then focus in on that area and get busy! Time is short and right now your words and actions carry weight, use them to mold your kids. God did not give us our children for a time, but for eternity; let's parent like we believe that!